-Teachers call is "cheating"... We call it "sharing".
-Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving.
Cop: Sir have you been drinking?
Man: Scissors, I win!
-Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
-Boy: hey dad I got a girlfriend Dad: Good job son! Girl: Hey daddy I got a boyfriend Dad: *loads shotgun*